The line between jealousy and envy can be easily blurred;
they are both awful feelings that result in possible acts of lunacy, irrational
behavior, self-loathing, betrayal, and doubt.
The big difference is that with jealousy, you end up having
to apologize to others; with envy, you end up having to apologize to
yourself.
Harder than saying “I’m sorry,” is letting yourself off the
hook.
It started out very innocently – I was simply scrolling
through the status updates and pictures added by my friends on facebook. It wasn’t until the 4th or 5th
picture of a beautiful cityscape or ocean view that I started to wonder what I
was doing wrong in my life.
Everyone had these vacation photos, or even worse – pictures of distant
cities and attractions that their jobs sent them off to explore on the company
dollar – while all I can see when i hold up my camera phone is my own two
feet.
Enter evny.
Enter the wishing I was as smart, successful, and accomplished as
someone else. Enter the anger
because I’m not.
I spiraled down this envy path for a while. The brutality of the self-talk one goes
through when tumbling down the well of envy is not pretty. Thankfully, my friend called and
interrupted me. While she
was talking about something that was upsetting her, I heard myself say, “you
gotta cut yourself some slack.”
Why is it so easy to tell someone that she has to let
herself off the hook when she’s doing her best, but almost impossible to
believe it’s ok for ourselves?
Because when we’re beating ourselves up for not having,
doing, or getting the things that other people have, feeling sorry for
ourselves is much easier than accepting our shortcomings as temporary
grievances - that maybe we’re a work in progress.
And while we are forever talented at doling out the good
advice and not taking it ourselves, it’s important that we find a way to take
it. We need to let ourselves off
the hook sometimes. Letting
ourselves off the hook doesn’t mean we accept our current lot in life; it means
we’re ok with not accepting it.
It means we can recognize where we have room to grow and we can actively
take steps towards it. I may not
be vacationing in a little villa on the greek islands, or making any vertical
leaps in my career path anytime soon, but I know that I want to – and I know
that I can put energy towards those things without the damaging internal monologue. I can let myself off the hook.
My gratitude is two-fold today. This may sound backwards, but I am grateful for feeling
envious. Because it’s an
uncontrollable, automatic response, it’s a damn good indicator as to what it is
we really want (whether it be superficial or deep. Whether it be actual things
or the idea of being able to get the things). Feeling envious is kind of a really round-about way of
goal setting. The important part
here is not the envy-induced goals, but what you do with that list
afterwards. Give yourself a
break. Recognize what it is that
you want and be ok with not having it.
Be ok with trying to tweak some parts in order to get it. You wouldn’t tell a friend that she is
doomed to forever be inadequate, so you shouldn’t tell yourself that either. The next time you try to put the wind back in someone else’s
sails, give yourself a break and feel the breeze, too
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